Sunday morning I woke up with this weird sense of peace, I woke up with a very open mindset, I felt excited. I wasn’t just excited because I was getting ready to pick up my babies; I was also really excited to get to church. I really felt like I needed the word that day. I thought to myself aloud; listen to everything he says with a very open heart. I got ready, got my babies clothes picked out and began my little drive to go pick them up from their dads house. Then he hit me with his first words, I almost dead stopped my car on the main road that’s how the lords word hit me on Sunday. I put my foot down, looked up at the top of my car and said almost in a screaming version. “REALLY, You got me all excited to go to church and you lay this on me?” “What are you thinking?” What is this ridiculous task you are putting in front of me?” “Really God, seriously; Come on.” I look over and of course the lady stopped at the light next to me is like looking in my car like I am a lunatic screaming at the top of my car.
I smile, okay God; still hoping that what I am about to do will turn out in my favor and he will say No! I pull into the complex and park my car, get my phone out.
Me: Hey I’m almost there; would you like to go with us?
Father of my Children: Sure, I just need to get ready.
Gosh dang it, I haven’t even spoken a word to him God, I’ve never even had a guy sit next to me at my church, this is so awkward. Why in the world are you doing this to me? I was literally having the best morning, can he please be busy after I walk in. God please make him busy.
I knock on the door. My babies answer and I look down at my beautiful children and start to get them ready my son looks at me and says “Mommy, you invited daddy to church because you guys are best friends.” I look down and can’t help but regain the smile I woke up with and say to my son. “Yeah buddy, aren’t you so excited daddy is coming with us” he replies “Yeah, you guys are best friends.”
I look up again at the ceiling and smile while thinking “Your right God, I’m called to more”
See, the background story is we really hurt each other and sometimes we do still tend to hurt each other. He does something that may hurt my feelings and I say something to hurt his feelings, and we continuously played this little jab game. We were literally in this little boxing ring of life just going in circles and jabbing back and forth. We may have been waiting for the KO, but God had something more for me. God showed me that no matter what we do to each other together we have created the most important little things in our whole life and they are more than we are. Those two beautiful, innocent children are bigger than our issues, they are bigger than our pains and emotions, these two babies are bigger than any other relationship we have and because of that we both owe it to each other to treat each other with love and respect in all things.
I used to think being Co-parents would be so much easier because I wouldn’t really ever have to deal with him. I would skirt around the conversations, I would ignore the text, I would never follow him on social media. I would just make the necessary conversation about children and then everything would be fine. I didn’t realize that although God wants us both to be happy humans, he called us to be something more; he called us to be happy parents. He called us both to be more four ourselves, for our children, and for each other. See the thing people don’t understand is my children’s father and I will see each other for the rest of our lives, this means we will know when one of us are dating someone else, we will find out when we discipline our children, we will find out if one of us gave our kids candy, we will find out what words we speak about each other, we will find out things we didn’t want the other finding out. We can either continue jabbing our way through our children’s life or one of us has to call it quits. This doesn’t mean that we have to try and work out our marriage that never worked, this doesn’t mean anyone ever has to stay, this just means we have to go back to square one. We are supposed to treat everyone with as much kindness as we can, we are called to forgive, and we are called to love no matter what. One of us had to do more to be more and I can honestly say I don’t always get the win nor is it really a challenge or a competition, but on that Sunday God gave me something I won’t ever forget, he gave me worth, because I know now I am and always will be called to more.
Now for the split, the thing that I’m sure some may question. I don’t think if God were here he would punish me for not staying married, I personally don’t believe he would be angry that we loved ourselves enough to let go. I personally don’t believe that God hasn’t already forgiven me for everything I have done, that’s solely because I had Jesus in my corner, he fought the good fight for me and I do believe that I am completely forgiven, I do not take advantage of that forgiveness but I am fully aware of what I have going for me because of the representative I chose for my life.
I do believe in everyone, I believe you always have a chance to start again, I believe the world will turn out the way it does solely on how we raise our children and that is up to us. I believe we are called to more no matter your belief and only depending on the one fact that you are HUMAN and you are still BREATHING. I truly believe that there is good in every human, and some of us just have to find it in others.
If I can do this anyone can, and I truly believe that from the bottom of my heart. I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what your past looks like. Today is the day that you need to be made aware that you are called to be better than you are every day, you are called to be more than you may act at times, and you are called to be happy always. You are called to love more, forgive more, create more, live more, write more, smile more, hug more, accept more, and expect more. If you don’t believe you are called to more find someone who will help you believe, open up a journal, or maybe just grab the bible and see how life changing it can be.