Constantly through decades of hardworking men and women, exceptional business people, entrepreneurs, creators, developers, astounding mothers and fathers, friends, confidants, and significant others I have noticed a trend of people trying their hardest to be a “yes” man or woman. People teach classes on becoming a yes person. They teach us to always say yes when we go for a goal or an opportunity. We are taught to aim for the best and keep saying yes.
Yes to the dress, yes to the money, yes to the car, yes to the kids, yes to the house. I can imagine someone saying yes to just about any deal or anything at this point in my life and I realized something so simple that I have never imagined or even thought was possible. I CAN SAY NO and it feels just as good and just as empowering as saying yes.
We are taught that saying no refers to being afraid of something when in all actuality I can promise saying yes has often actually become a harder answer for a lot of us. I personally am not afraid of trying anything at least once but that doesn’t mean I have to keep saying yes when I know I don’t want to.
See our entire lives we have been taught to say yes we have watched shows that have convinced our minds to buy something new, we have seen social media stars show us a new way to perfect ourselves and we buy it or make a deal that only allows us shortcomings.
We all started saying NO at a really young age and believe it or not, it’s one of the first words most kids do learn. Why did we stop practicing that word as we got older? Why did it become better and easier for us to continue to say yes instead of sticking to NO?
I am positive if you meet my friends they will say she is always giving and she is always there, or when she answers we can talk for hours. When we go out she never lets us pay, she literally always pays the tab, she always covers our wants, and she is always saying YES. I was trained to do this my whole immediate family has a really hard time telling people NO and for most of us we enjoy it, in fact I know all of us enjoy it, but I had an epiphany. See the thing I didn’t realize was that although in the moment it made me feel really good and feel imperative to my friends and significant others that I was doing all of this for them, it was in fact making me suffer. I racked up some pretty high credit cards I dwindled my credit, I offered things I shouldn’t have like clothes, cars, money, and time that either got ruined or lost. I lost some friends and gained some friends, and I was hurt in the end, I did so much for them and the thanks that I felt I received was a broken heart.
What I had to realize is if I tell my loved ones NO, they are still going to love me. Just because I don’t have the time or the money now doesn’t mean I still don’t love them. Just because I said No doesn’t mean I always have to say No it means I figured out my limitations as a strong self-governing human and I am unable to say yes to you at this time. It is an automatic thought process to want to do everything for the people we love; this comes habitually no matter what. The issue with this that I have learned is that a yes man at times has also been known as a flake, or known to put people on back burners or they don’t make you feel as loved because they truly have trained their mind so well to say Yes so often that it ends up hurting people and that’s not what we intended to do as yes people.
I truly believe if you are able to balance and figure out how much you can say yes too and what things you may be able to say No to people are more often to understand and love you. I believe if you try and balance too much on your plate and you’re constantly taking on too much and somehow in the mix someone close to you continuously feels like they are on the back burner it truly is your fault as a yes man that your relationship ended or is hurting.
I truly believe if you are able to balance your Yes and your No you will become the ultimate human. You will get better offers, you will have better relationships, you will have more time for yourself, you will have more money in your bank, you will feel a sense of liberation in all aspects of your life and the most important piece to this puzzle is that everyone will be okay around you no matter your answer because no matter what you say the people that really love, are going to keep loving you. I have a little secret for you as well, it’s not cool to pay your friends to be your friends and continuously paying tabs when you know you don’t have the money is paying people to be your friend.
Be you always, and never forget to set your boundaries within your means and stick to it!