This year has been a very eventful and very dark year starting out for me. I lost my grandfather, I lost my dog of thirteen years, I lost my mind over the little family unit I once had, I also lost a lot of incredible days due to my impatience, I was absolutely broke and had to depend on my family for the first time in a very long time. I can honestly say if I had not been in the mindset I placed for myself I probably would have ended up being admitted to a psych-ward. I felt like the whole world was caving in on me and at times I felt like it may be a little easier if I wasn’t here. I was dealing with an old pending charge from a DUI I had received. I felt like my kids deserved a better mom, my family deserved a better member. Although my soul and my body felt the way it did, I kept my mind made up and I knew in my heart the small simple words that I have always been reminded “This too shall pass”
I chose instead of sitting in that despondent cloud that I could have kept over me for my entire life to look to the sun, to be grateful for what I had. I chose to take accountability for my actions and my choices and move on with my life. I chose to put my primacies in order and focus on what was important to me. I chose to choose love instead of anger, and now every single day I wake up, no matter what happens I choose happiness. I chose to love at all costs and always put my heart on the line no matter what it is.
“Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
Have you ever felt like you treasured someone so much and then after a breakup you thought you hated them, only to find out later on you barely even think of them? It is astounding to see how the heart works, how quickly it can mend over such little time.
Have you ever had anything happen in your life that felt like it could drop you to your knees and take your very breath away because it hurt so severely? It is enlightening to know that no matter what trials come our way most of us are resilient enough to push forward.
Have you ever had to go through something in your life and you felt like the pain or the heartache was going to last a lifetime, only to find out that the reclamation was a little less time than you thought, or maybe you figured out new ways to live with the brokenness and it actually made you heal inside? It is influential the grit you watch some people have within them to persevere time and time again.
Have you ever watched someone else’s life crumble right before your very eyes just to watch them walk it off, and act like it had absolutely no effect on them? It is astonishing to see how each humans stress level is completely diverse.
I have talked to numerous people in very horrible situations and sadly most of the situations I have encountered in people had everything to do with the circumstances they put themselves in. When you talk to someone who has had something horrific happen to them without their consent or without placing themselves in the situation you usually find that they will take the positive out of the circumstance. They will say things like I learned from this, or look at me now I am happier. When you talk to someone who puts themselves in circumstances sometimes you may find them continuously blaming everyone around them except themselves, they won’t take accountability. The moment you take accountability for the things you have done, and you become grateful for the things you have in your life, you look to the positive in all outcomes in life; nothing else matters. Test my theory I am almost certain that if you take the positive out of every negative thing that has ever happened to you in your life you will live a prosperous life. This is an immediate change, this isn’t one those plans online you pay for and “it takes a while” This starts today right now. I am not saying that if you wake up tomorrow for your sentencing and have a positive attitude you will end up not going. I am saying if you wake up tomorrow for your sentencing believing whole heartedly you are ready to take accountability for your actions and truly learn from them you will see the positive. I am saying if you wake up tomorrow with a positive outlook and you watch your house burn down, you will find yourself grateful that you weren’t inside.
There is no “woe is me” period of life. This world doesn’t slow down for you or me. I wished every day after my grandfather passed “Please God, pause the world make them all stop and see” the world didn’t stop, I didn’t stop. When the going gets rough, the mentally tough keep going. I learned that no matter what happens in my life “I AM” strong enough. I realized that because he wasn’t here anymore I had to find my worth in myself and it became exciting. I learned that life is beautiful and the only thing that is standing in the way of a beautiful life for any of us is ourselves. Never forget that storms don’t last forever.