Wait, I’m Confused

Wait, I’m confused

I did the checklist of all the things to become the invincible human and for some reason I’m still human. Oh wait, there is no checklist. What do you mean everyone knows there is an actual checklist to life. Did I miss something in school was I not paying close enough attention. You guys we all have a checklist right? Like we studied it, we wanted to kind of follow in our parents footsteps but also definitely not follow in their footsteps. We all knew what a perfect life looked like and we were taught or told to go about it in these certain ways. Hello, I was the best at Double Dutch so I know first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Why in the world were the boys and girls chasing each other at recess? Why did I learn how to make an omelet in home economics? Why did we fall in love over and over again with different people? Why did we all have the urge to fall in love so fast? HELLO THE DAMN CHECKLIST.

What If I told you that is not the checklist, what if I said what you’re doing is absolutely wrong. You are running around trying to find love and you’re not even a full person yet. Like hello did you not learn the first time in recess when you fell in the dirt from some kid with cooties? Believe me I know from experience I am in no way saying I’m better than you or I figured out the key to life. I am starting all over again from scratch, but the reason is because I just wanted to be a good student. I wanted to finish my checklist, I wanted everyone to be proud, it wasn’t until I opened my eyes one morning and realized I wasn’t proud, nor was I happy. I had to wake up and start all over again from the beginning. I had to dig deep into the little girl that I once was and find her again, I had to seek out her wants and needs in this life and choose them as an adult. Let me tell you, it’s not easy going back to the spirit of a 16 year old in a 27 year old body, it humbled me but it was not easy! I had to listen to the words I spoke to my father the day he got me my jeep. “Daddy can you show me how to drop the engine, change the oil, and change the tires because I don’t want a man in my life” “I want to do this life all on my own dad” I will never forget my dad looking down on me and simply saying “okay, but I’m sure you will change your mind”. He didn’t mean anything by it, but I for some reason believed maybe it wasn’t right to be single.

I am now 27 years old and I’m sure I’ll find someone I like to spend my time with or go on adventures with or have fun with, or maybe even one day marry again. I am positive that people believe I still want to fall in love and try the fairy tale wedding thing, but I don’t at this moment in my life and I am okay with not searching. I finally know what I want and that’s me. I want all of me and my babies all of the time. Of course, I love hanging out with the opposite sex, what I don’t like is automatically having to get into this stupid socially normal relationship thing people like. If you take pictures with a guy or girl people think your together and not friends. Most likely the other person may want a relationship or they may not either way it’s become normal to people. Why is this normal? Why do I have to be with someone to be normal, why can’t I just hang out until they find someone they love? Why can’t I just choose to be single for the rest of my life and live it to the fullest? I realized recently I actually can. I finally at 27 years of age get to say “I HAVE MY CAKE AND IM EATING IT TOO” Yeah everybody that’s right, I am single and I love it and I have both my kids. I got exactly what I asked for and every moment and feeling inside me feels damn good for the first time in my whole life.

This doesn’t mean I won’t eventually want to settle down, or maybe one day find a guy or hell a girl that I love because who flippin cares anymore and why should we? People are finally living out there best life and who in the hell is anybody to judge? I want to be single right now, I want to go out with a gentlemen and be able come home to my damn self without feeling bad. I want to live every day to the fullest and do everything I ever wanted all on my own or with someone without pushing a forever. If you know me you will find that I hardly let anyone pay for me, it’s hard for me to accept gifts, I love giving at all costs, but usually I don’t stick to the status quo ever to the guy that I’m hanging with paying for anything for me. I realized recently why I do this, it’s because I know that eventually we will not be together because I love being single so much and I would hate for them to think they wasted money or time on me. I remember talking to this guy and he stated that I pay too much and I don’t ever let anyone pay and it was then I realized yeah because I don’t ever want to owe you anything and I for sure don’t ever want you to bring it up so why would I have you pay? Most guys I dated thought I was an amazing girl for it but this guy knew he called me on my bluff I don’t need anyone in my life and I like that feeling.

What I mean is there is no checklist, there is no normal way to live, there is no expectation of relationships, and there are no gender specifications. This whole life is only summed up into one thing, You my friend, you get to choose your life, and you get to choose if the things people around you say or expect really effect you. That’s it, The Checklist, the right checklist that is only has you on it, so try that for a change, what do you want today?

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